I watched the opening day game until about the fifth inning and my wife asked if we could watch a movie together so we switched on The Bubble. Turns out both were pretty disappointing. At least the Bubble had some lol moments. The Padres, not so much. You Darvish looks good. That will play. But the rookie Robert Suarez from the Japanese league looked nervous. Not Yuish at all. He even hit a guy. Gave up 3 runs without recording an out so his ERA was ♾️, which is kinda cool. And also laughable. Okay so the Padres game might have been funnier than the Bubble.

Then the weekend came and the Padres played like they were intended. Just like AJ Preller drew it. Pitching and defense win championships. Well the Padres have the first part, so they are halfway to a championship. How much of this weekend was the Padres playing well versus how bad the Diamondbacks truly are probably remains to be seen. But the D-backs are bad. And the Padres can pitch. Darvish, Sean Manama and Joe Musgrove all looked good. Blake Snell died. Rip, unless we see you in 10 days. Nabil Crismatt is a Colombian god. So is Jorge Alfaro. Together they make up the first Colombian gods battery. We can’t lose.

Jurickson Profar is MY left fielder. All you naysayers, whiny little cry babies, and internet trolls now have to just lie back and enjoy his smile. Profar got his power stroke back. And from the right side of the plate too. Sure it’s a minuscule sample size, but after last season where he OPS’d worse than most pitchers batting from the right, we should just take it. Then we simply project from this small sample and predict 70+ home runs and a clear MVP victory for Jurickson. And somebody said I don’t know how projections work. Who’s laughing now, loser.

Looking around the horn, Manny is being Manny. So steady and productive, he’s just perfect. Never change, my captain. Ha-Seong Kim looks good at short, but so does our rookie CJ Abrams. Platooning the two of them is probably not the best idea for their perspective development, but it probably is best for the team right now. I think things will sort themselves out by the time Fernando Tatis Junior returns. Everybody light a candle for that knucklehead to heal quickly. Jake Cronenworth looks great. Has anyone noticed he has become a heartthrob to quite a large swath of Padres fans? I know of at least one local sports broadcaster whose lovely wife would seemingly risk it all. For Jake. You go Jake. But the real beefcake is now platooning at 1B. Luke Voit is a big dude. Have you seen his pecs? How much does he bench? Just mash, Luke, and we’ll get to the swooning soon. Hos is off to a nice start. So what. We’ve seen this movie before.

The outfield is superb now that JP is an MVP. Trent Grisham can still track down a gapper better than anyone in the National League. And Wil Myers got two hits! A couple a week is probably all we can expect. The Padres tried to upgrade the outfield seemingly all off-season. When there was an off-season. The lockout was pointless and will probably lead to too many pitchers getting injured, but billionaires gotta keep all the monies, so good job MLB. Anyway, our outfield is going to be fine. So is our catching staff. See the Colombian god reference above. Plus Austin Nola. We good.

Since this is the time of year when most baseball prognosticators have set their predictions, I’ll go ahead and join them. I say this Padres team will win 92 games. 92-70. Bob Melvin will be a steady hand and the results will be in line with what was wished for last season. Or this team will have another epic collapse and AJ Preller gets shitcanned. No! I’m not going negative in my first post of this season. This team is going to the playoffs and they are going to be competitive throughout. It should be a fun season and I’m looking forward to having some baseball fun.