Ignore the Negative Nancys – Padres to Literally Eviscerate Tigers Tonight

A lot of Fatalist Friedas out there pretty much assumed the Padres would get swept by the Tigers this weekend.  After all, they can’t hit and Chase Headley is the worst 3B since Mike Pagliarulo, right?!  I mean, who could even imagine them beating up on the vaunted RICK PORCELLO.  The same Rick Porcello that was rumored last season to be on the chopping block, the same one who a lot thought was going to be traded here for Luke Gregerson (who?!).  Anyways, the Padres totally clubbed Porcello and Andrew Cashner has really endeared himself as San Diego’s hot new sweetheart.  STEP ASIDE DAGMAR MIDCAP!!!

More than that, last night’s game gave the Padres fans hope.  It’s one of those games that at least for the next month, fans can say they totally can’t hit and they kind of suck, but just think… they’ve got the potential to play as well as that one game where Cash threw a 1 hitter and they won 6-0.  That means something when you’re sitting in Petco with 14,000 other fans and it’s cold and it’s a 1-0 game with no offense. 

Anyways, Justin Verlander is pitching tonight.  I was going to draw a picture of him swallowing a dong, but he’s dating Kate Upton.  So I guess he gets a pass tonight.  UNLIKE STUPID MIGUEL CABRERA.  I’m also hearing that the Rally Unicorn is getting testy in his stable for tonight’s game. 


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