Padres Jagoff and Change the Padres Unite In Hot, Sweaty Sexual Congress

Frenchy

 

Over the past two seasons or so, Padres Jagoff has established itself as your #1 source for adult themed Padres related MS Paint artwork.  It has also had brief blips of Padres blogosphere relevancy with our annual coverage of new food/beer at Petco Park and the breaking of the viral #beergate story, which was eventually picked up by the Union Tribune.  At the same time, we’ve also been a thorn in new CMO Wayne Partello’s side, told by Jesse Agler that the phrase “Padres Jagoff” could never be said on the air, and had our name completely edited out of the U-T Beergate print article.  All the while, we’ve been getting – sit down for this – LITERALLY tens of hits per article, really showing our popularity and power within the world of Padres online writing.  So that brings us to today.  After a fierce bidding war for the privilege of working with us, Padres Jagoff is teaming up with David Marver’s Change the Padres organization to form a new blog venture: Gwynntelligence.  While it was difficult to turn down Gaslamp Ball’s TheThinGwynn’s offer of an autographed 1990 Donruss Joey Cora in near mint condition (incredibly tempting, but I already have this card auto’d), Padres Public’s offer of the treasured and rare Jeff Moorad bobblehead, and Friarhood’s offer of letting me have full dong loving autonomy over the design of the next t-shirt to be offered, I made the tough decision to take my talents to the precocious start-up.  I figured I’d address a few questions related to this new venture:

 

1.  Will this affect my supply of MS Paint Padres related dong pics?

 

NO!  As part of our editorial philosophy here at Gwynntelligence, I have retained full editorial power over what gets published by Padres Jagoff.  We will still continue to pump out the dongs, the jizz, the poop and the Puig harassment.  I will still post accounts of Rick Sutcliffe being intoxicated at games.

 

2.  So you’re working with Marver now?  Why?

 

I have to say, I don’t agree with a lot of what Marver and Change the Padres professes.  I do not agree with starving the beast and cutting off spending on Padres related purchases.  I enjoy going to game.  I am a season ticket holder.  I’ve outfit my baby in a huge number of cute, adorbs Padres baby stuff.  Sometimes I see Change the Padres tweeting and what he says really grinds my gears.  But to me, to have the passion to produce a documentary, and to have the passion in a passionless team enough to push for real change is admirable to me.  I’ve told a lot of other Padres bloggers I’ve met that when I lived in DC for a decade, my one link back to the team was religiously reading every Padres blog I could find.  I loved that they had the passion to spend hours crunching stats, writing posts, getting Rally Unicorn (TM) tattoos and chasing around Tom Garfinkel.  I think that our disagreements will produce meaningful clash.  I should also mention that while Padres Jagoff is essentially persona non grata with the Padres current management, David Marver has the ear of management, of national media, of local media, and has thousands of followers.  This dramatically will increase the audience that our cutting analysis and pictures of Troy Tulowitzki taking a load to the face will reach.  Maybe Darren Smith will even follow us.  We can only hope.

 

3.  Marver seems like a dick on Twitter.  Is he?

 

I’ve met him and can safely say that he didn’t seem like a dick.  He does seem like a fervent fan who is great at data analysis.  I expect to get pissed at him on one of our podcasts though.  I will probably call him a dick.

 

4.  Podcast?!

 

Yes, the plan is to produce a semi-regular podcast to cover Padres issues and maybe even dip into Change the Padres’ rolodex and get some guests on.

 

5.  So are you going to cancel your season tickets now that you’re in cahoots with Change The Padres?

 

Nope.  I really enjoy going to the games, and enjoy bringing my baby girl to the games.  I am also really looking forward to the insane retention offers the team must offer after this wretched season.  I am eager to take Peter Seidler’s Gulfstream for a spin.

 

To sum it up, Padres Jagoff will still be the same, it’ll just be flying under the Gwynntelligence flag.  We will be producing the same great content, but with all of Change the Padres’ resources, will have more access, more audience and more of a voice.  As Padres Public’s wild success has shown, combining of forces can be a great thing, and I think this change will lead to some awesome new content for readers.  Now we can just kick back on Easy Street, attract some multi-million dollar advertising contracts and light up a stogie a la Josh Byrnes at his desk when he sees Tyson Ross throw a great game.
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