Assuming Volquez Can Hit the Target, Padres Will Behead Rockies Tonight
Edinson Volquez pitched one of the single most impressive outings I’ve seen EVER last year when he threw his 1 hitter. The stadium was as into it as a 14,000 […]
Category Archives: Padres Jagoff
Padres to Crush Rockies: Troy Tulowitzki has a Special Talent
After last night’s exciting and awesome display of Ron Swanson-esque manliness by Carlos Quentin, Clayton Richard, and the Padres in general (you know, except for winning the game), the Pads […]
New Petco Park Food/Beer. Beer Prices Hiked!
Opening day at Petco Park is always one of the most exciting days of the season. Not only is the place sold out, but the crowd is always super into […]
Home Opener! Dodgers Hit the Golden Showers
To celebrate the long awaited home opener, we bring you our expert prediction via MS Paint illustration of today’s game. The Padres can’t possibly start the season 1-6. Right? RIGHT?!?! […]
Dexter Fowler – Glory Hole Addict
As long as the Padres want to continue this silly charade of not playing winning baseball, we here at Padres Jagoff can keep harassing the opposing team via MS Paint […]
For Serious – Padres Season Ticket Holders… Sorry, "Members"… Totally Boned
Putting the MS Paint dick jokes on hold for a second, I think it’s important to discuss an important issue facing the Padres. I saw some recent discussion on Padres […]
Todd Helton Gets Iced… with PEEN
This picture was almost too easy. With the crushing Padres victory yesterday, it’s time for our BIG FREE AGENT ACQUISITION to show he’s worth all those millios. Jason Marquis will […]
*FART* Matt Harvey *FART*
The Padres hope to get on pace to an 81-81 record today against stupid buttface Matt Harvey and the putrid Mets. Watch out though, Matt Harvey pitches with some gas!
TOTAL EXCLUSIVE: New Grub at Petco: EL PUEBLO
As a season ticket holder, wait… sorry… a MEMBER, I obsess over the food options at Petco. I nagged last season about why, oh why, the Padres would tease us […]
That Didn’t Go Well…
The season started with a thud, but hey, Yonder Alonso home run! I’ve got a feeling he is going to have a huge year. Meanwhile, big stupidface Jon Niese and […]
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